The Advent Season

This time of year has always been a favorite of mine. Even more so than my love for autumn. As a kid, it was hyped up with Santa and new Christmas dresses and packing into our van to see a live nativity. I didn't appreciate seeing that live nativity as much as I should have. My attention was set to Santa and what new toys I wanted. As I got older and entered my highschool and college years, the hustle and bustle of Christmas grew with secret Santas, Christmas countdown calendars, and Christmas parties. I also got the added bonus of long breaks from school. Since graduating, my focus has been more centered on the birth of our sweet Savior. I don't know if this is a typical course of action for most folks, but I find myself wishing my focus had gotten here earlier.

Better late than never, though, right?

Don't get me wrong, I still love the hustle and bustle of Christmas time and buying the gift I think is best suited for my loved ones. I love bundling up and going to our annual Light Up Night down in the city, seeing "A Christmas Carol" and "The Nutcracker" at the theater and baking cookies for days on end. I love watching Christmas movies, old and new, while cuddled under a blanket with a steaming cup of hot chocolate.

But it's not the focus of my Christmas.

As the end of another year is approaching, I'm reminded again just how much the Lord has done for me in the past year alone.  I'm reminded of His abundant grace, His unconditional love and His mercy beyond measure.  I feel like I've been stretched and molded and formed so much in the past year.  I've seen my faith increase by leaps and bounds.  

If someone were to ask me if I trust the Lord, I would undoubtedly say yes.  But do I really?  I mean really trust Him?  In all areas of my life and everything that happens to me?  Sadly, no.  It goes against my human nature to trust Him with all my heart and mind and soul and strength.  But I've seen this area of my life change in the past year.  My spirit is willing, but my flesh is weak.  I'm more easily and much more quickly prone to say "Ok, Lord, I trust you" with whatever is happening.  Whether it's been broken relationships within my family, medical conditions of loved ones, or something simple like an issue at work which has been a point of stress.  

But it didn't happen automatically.  It's been hard work, but so rewarding.  It's been more rewarding than I could've even imagined.  It started with a murmur of trust to my Heavenly Father.  Of trying to let go more than actually letting go.  It started with a desire to be obedient, but having trouble trusting.  And it's flourished into a sweet commune with my Savior.  Into a fully trusting relationship.  I've been so blessed this year and am thankful for each blessing I've received.  I've told people, who I haven't actually said this to in a very long time, that I love them.  I've experienced healing in deep wounds.  I've witnessed mending of brokenness, reaffirming of love, and more blessings than I could possibly begin to count.  

Did I think God wasn't big enough to care for my every need?  Absolutely not.

Did I think He wouldn't hear my prayers or answer my pleas?  Nope again.

But by not trusting Him completely, that's basically what I was telling Him.  By separating areas of my life between areas of full trust and then those areas where I "trusted" but anxiety and worry and the attempt to do things my way took over was undermining His authority.  

But be careful what you pray for.

I've been praying for growth and the ability to fully trust in the Lord and I've got it.  But it came with a price of sacrificing my will for His.  It's the best sacrifice I could give though.  This past year has been a whirlwind of wrestling with myself to allow Christ to be the center of my life.  When an opportunity for trust presented itself and I wasn't trusting, fully trusting, He let me know.  It usually went something like this:

      God: Trust me.
      Me:  I do.
      God: No, really trust me.  Surrender your doubt, your worry, your hurt.  I love you and will take care of you.
      Me: I want to, but...
      God:  No buts.  This is what you prayed for now trust me, my daughter.
      Me:  Help me to trust You.  My flesh is so weak.

It was incredible how He turned my meager attempt to trust to full assurance in my Savior.  He knew I wouldn't be able to always surrender my will to His.  He knew it would be a hard road for me.  But He was just waiting for me to ask for help and right there He was carrying me whenever I couldn't walk on my own.  

This wasn't just for those "big ticket items" of broken relationships, but it has become an everyday item kind of relationship.  The amount of worry and stress in my life has significantly decreased.   That's not to say there aren't times when it's hard to surrender and the burdens of life are bringing me down.  But repeat the above conversation and that's where I'm at.  

I'm amazed at how many people trim their trees and decorate their homes in preparation for the Christmas holiday, but are not preparing their hearts for Christ.  It saddens me to think of those who celebrate Christmas, but not the true meaning behind this great approaching holiday.  The babe in the manger who is the Savior of the world.  

This advent season I am focused on worshipping Him in all the hustle and bustle of the season.  To focus on His love for me and what He's done to save me time and time again.  As I list to Selah's "O Come O Come Emmanuel" playing in the background, I think of how many times I've been "Israel".

Rejoice, Rejoice!  Emmanuel shall come to thee, Oh Israel!


"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."


This couldn't be more true. I don't know how many people are actually reading this little blog of mine, but if you are reading this, I just encourage you to seek His will for your lives with all you've got. It'll be hard. But it'll be so worth it. If I can pray for you in any way, please comment or email me. I'd be glad to share in this journey with you.

Thank you Jesus for what you've done and continue to do in my life.

Hozak Farms!

We ventured north to good ol' Beaver County today to find our Christmas tree! After a stop at Robinson's Panera Bread for a quick bite to eat, we were off. And the snow started, but barely. We were hoping for more snow, but no luck at that point.


After venturing into the country, we arrived at our destination: Hozak Farms. Last year we went to Nutbrown's, which was really nice, but we were looking for a place that bails the tree since we no longer have a truck to just toss the tree in the back of. We were going to be putting it in our Sonata.


It was cold today. Really cold. So cold that with the wind chills it was in the single digits! We all bundled up with layers and I even wore my snow boots because they are so heavy and warm.


Scarves, double layers of gloves, ear bands, and eskimo coats were a must to keep warm!


Hozak's is much bigger than Nutbrown's was. Even as we were driving up Anderson Road (where Hozak Farms is located) we saw excess land full of trees for following years.


Me and the hubby were excited to find a great tree for our cozy home.



Peter picked out a sharp saw to make cutting the tree a cinch.



At Hozak's there were lots of trees...



Trees as far as the eye could see..



They had a great variety and tons to pick from. They even had huge signs by the different varieties to make finding the type of tree you want a very simple process. We knew we wanted to get the same kind of tree that we had last year, but none of us could remember what kind we had! So after exploring Hozak's and seeing the types of trees, we remembered we had a Douglas Fir. It's our favorite kind.



This picture was Paula's idea and it turned out pretty cute. Peter and I are both sporting a crazy smile :)



A day with Peter wouldn't be the same if he didn't act goofy at least once. I'm glad I can always capture it film for laughs later on. One of Peter's greatest attributes is his sense of humor. He always can make me laugh, which comes in handy if I ever need cheered up :)



Peter's searching for a good tree..



One day if we have a big enough house, we'll get a tree like this. It was huge!



I tried video taping Peter cutting the tree down like I did last year, but missed it. I did get this quick picture though.



This is one of my favorite pictures from the day. We ventured far away from the crowds so Peter and Paula were carrying the tree back to where we parked. Paula thought I should be in the picture, but I like it with them in it just the same. I can't explain why I like it so much, it just seems peaceful and Christmassy and fun.



They had this machine that they put the trees on before bailing to "shake it" and it was funny to watch. The guys loading the trees actually shook when getting the trees on/off it since the kept the machine always on. I was going to video tape this, but was running out of battery and didn't want the camera to die since the video option uses up more battery power.



And here our tree goes through the bailer...



Paula snapped this photo while we waiting for our tree to be done. As you can see, it started to snow while we were getting our tree which really added to the experience. We were all so excited for the snow falling!



Peter lugs the tree to the car for transporting it home...



...And one last picture from Hozak's of us and our great tree!




The roads on the way home were a bit icy since they weren't salted or plowed and we were up on a mountain side. So until we got back down on to major roads and towards the city, we had to go a bit slower. But it was so nice to smell the fragrance of the tree while listening to Christmas music on the radio and viewing the snow covered roads ahead. We had quite the Christmassy afternoon!


After getting the tree inside and arranged in the stand, we took a break to have dinner. I also put the branches we cut off the bottom of the tree behind the sled on our front porch to finish our outdoor decor. Earlier this week Peter and I had hung our outside lights and put up the outside decorations.


I made a yummy pasta dish with sausage, portobello mushrooms and green peppers. We filled our tummies and then trimmed the tree while George C. Scott's version of "The Christmas Carol" played in the background.


It was fun to put up the special ornaments we have. We received quite a few last year that we added to our tree this year. Paula also bought us some ornaments from the Arts Center which looked lovely with our other ornaments. I also have a Christmas plaid tablecloth that I used as a tree skirt. The one we had last year is too small for the big, heavy duty tree stand we have. I also bought ribbon at Michael's in January of this year, after Christmas items were significantly discounted so the ribbon was 29 cents per 9' spool. And it matches the tablecloth/tree skirt perfectly! And the last new edition to our tree is the star on top. I had been using a star ornament as a topper for the previous 2 years, but wanted a real topper this year to complete the tree better. It looks great with all of the other trimmings!


We absolutely love our tree this year! Here's the finished product, but this picture doesn't do it justice. As I sit here with just the light from tree filling the room, it's absolutely fantastic. If you're in the area, you should definitely come visit and see our awesome tree :P

And a few from the landing on the stairs:

Hope your St. Nicholas Day was as fun as ours!

Adjusting My Focus

For the last 12 weeks or so, we've been learning about prayer at our church.  Both the Sunday sermons, scripture memory verses, and Tuesday nights have centered around this central issue.  With the exception that I felt like I wasn't praying often enough, I thought that my prayer life was pretty good.  Boy was I wrong!

I've really learned some valuable lessons from this prayer series, but the one that stands out the most is one that started to evolve before this series even started.  And it has to do with my focus and the desires of my heart.  

In the past my prayers would be focused on what I thought was best.  Now I focus on what the Lord knows is best.  Instead of asking for a circumstance to be removed from my life or for a struggling friend to no longer struggle, I now pray for obedience to God's will.  I've realized how narrow my focus has been and have been actively working to broaden it.  Recently, I've noticed that I'm sometimes at a loss of words during prayers.  And in those moments I just say "Let your will be done, Lord."  Now that God has softened my heart and changed my focus, I'm learning how to expand on my prayers in a way that glorifies Him.  Sometimes I have nothing to say except for admitting "Lord, I'm struggling to understand this situation and I pray you just continue to help me surrender to you."  Many times, that's all that our Heavenly Father wants to hear anyways.  

My heart desires the Lord's will to be done.  No matter what that may mean.  The confusion, hurt and struggling that comes along with that only draws me closer to Him.